Category Archives: Hermit
It is strange. I rarely write my blog at night. Sometimes I write it in the middle of the night, which for me is the start of my day, but rarely before I go to bed. Must say, my brain is more muddled this time of the day than normal. But I am having some “issues”. Tomorrow is going to be a little busy, (my uncle’s funeral) so you are going to just have to deal with my night thoughts instead of my morning thoughts. LOL Believe me, my grammar and spelling will be worse if that is possible. 🙂
This evening, I went to my book club. It has been weeks since I attended. I feel a little bad because I think I was like a desperate housewife. No not like the ones on the show, but like the one that never leaves her house, so when she finally does, she is a chatter box and acts like she has no clue about the give and take of proper conversation. I never considered myself as a desperate housewife, but when you think about it, a resistant hermit is not that different. I was so happy to be away from home, with girlfriends, (no men) that I found myself chattering. I was not the only one that talked but when the others did talk, it was usually to answer my dozens of questions. We never did get to the book. 😦
After I told them about family that are ill, Kane and Bailey’s wedding plans, I wanted to hear about their holidays. Then I noticed some changes, or perceived changes in Lynda’s house which led to another long interesting conversation. And I learned something. Something I did not like. Don’t tell LL, but these three ladies do plumbing, drywall, lay flooring, etc. All three of them. I don’t know how to do any of that.
When growing up, us girls worked in the field, we could drive a tractor, go in the house and make dinner, dishes and laundry, but for the life of me, I can’t fix a leaking pipe. I can’t lay tile let alone put a sub-floor in. In fact, I don’t even paint a wall in my house. If you remember, I blogged once how LL and my sisters won’t let me anywhere near paint and a wall because not only do I end up wearing it, I end up trailing it everywhere leaving permanent footsteps. 😦
Well this has me thinking…..yes I am having a Lucy moment. No I am not going to try to get into Ricky’s show, but I am going to challenge myself a bit. Oh I have plans. BIG PLANS!! 🙂 Just don’t tell LL. I may not get anywhere near a bucket of paint that can ruin my hardwood floor. But I need to expand my chicken coop. LL has promised to do it, but spring is a coming. Time is a wasting. I am planning on getting some new hens soon. He has only so much time. Either I can expand the existing, or I bet I could figure something else out. I can do it…..really I can. And frankly, how bad can I screw it up? Besides, I have a secret weapon….Max is great at building things and he loves to help Mom. 🙂 Now where does LL keep his saw???
Oh who am I kidding….this is what will happen. A coop will take days to build, LL will see it start to happen, he will look on with pain, take the saw, wood, and that thing-a-ma-jingy, what was it called??? oh a level away from me and do it himself. Well that would be good too. It would get done, but that would not get me further along on trying hard things out for myself. Hmmm……What would Lucy do? What would Lucy do?
What a beautiful morning outside my window. The clouds are supposed to arrive and it will not really warm up. But I will take the few hours of sun right now.
I am starting to give up on controlling my “issues” with any food restriction. Even gluten. Oh I know I can’t eat much gluten, but there are times I just think *what the hell* and eat a regular bun, and have no “issues”. Then there are times like yesterday, where I had a small amt. of dinner, with foods I know never bothered me before, and yet again, a miserable evening. Starting to think that my system just goes in waves. I will have a good week, and then all hell breaks loose and will have a bad week. Like this week.
I am happy that my issues were finished by bed time and I got a decent amount of sleep. But with the week I have had, I have open sores and my inside yet again feels like someone took a brillo pad to my colon. Last Thursday, I went all day on just juices to give my body some relief. It did help, but it is hard on my system to do that very often. So I will not eat for the most part today, but at some point have a small salad with chicken on top.
What these bad weeks do to my emotions are the most difficult part. My memory is short. When I have a good week or two run of feeling good, energy, and freedom, I start to think *I am getting this all figured out. I might start to have a life, get a part-time job, be more dependable for my family.* Then when the bad week or so comes along, my emotions take a dive as my reality comes crashing down.
I guess the name of my blog still really fits me. Resistant Hermit. Being an involuntary hermit is not the worse thing in the world. I have a pretty good life here at home. It’s the unpredictability that gets me down. 😦
So do I celebrate or keep things in perspective? My weigh in last night was not bad. Not bad because I spent the previous 24 hours running to the bathroom. Oh well, I will take it.
Not sure what is up for today. Actually, I am writing this on Monday night so the weather is a mystery and not sure how I will sleep. But I will keep talking as if I am writing this on Tuesday morning. Maybe “TODAY” 😉 I will get a good long walk in since “yesterday” was a wash out because of “issues”. Notice I am using a lot of quotation marks. Don’t know “why”……Just feels “right”. 🙂
If I am up to it and my mom wants to, I really need to do a Costco run. I usually go and do a big buy for summer stuff. Hamburger patties, toilet paper, clothes soap, some condiments, etc. I like to do this before the weather gets nice in case we have unexpected pool company. That way if it is dinner time, I can throw some burgers and hot dogs on the grill and feel like a decent hostess.
Tomorrow night, Oh, I mean “TONIGHT” is book club night. I haven’t blogged about this. A couple of weeks ago I was invited to join a book club with a friend that works with LL,….HI Lynda. A group of gals get together for a light supper and we read a book out loud together. I am having a great time. So that I can make it, I won’t be eating much through out the day. The book? Well I will blog about the book in a future post, but I will say I am surprised that I am enjoying the book choice so much. I have a theory on that, but again, I will explain later.
So I am happy to say, this resistant hermit is getting out two evenings a week. Improvement! I can’t eat much on Monday (weight watchers meeting) and Tuesday (book club), but it is worth it. I feel almost normal. Almost.
Good Morning. December 1st is here. Bailey has a rare day off. Well she does have a final to take at school at 4:00, but we have most the day to do what we want to. I am not much of a shopper. In fact, I hate malls, lines, and looking through clothes and other stuff. I know! I am an embarrassment to all women. But it is true. For years, the only way mom and Kris could get me shopping with them was do dangle the carrot of going out to lunch. But today, I want to take advantage of Bailey’s presence and get a few Christmas gifts.
I am hoping we can find something for LL, he is very hard to shop for. Something for Max, and then a few little gifts for a few people. I then hope we can go grocery shopping before heading home. Since my “issues” have been bad lately, I will not eat until we get home.
And because I have been having so many “issues”, I decided to start a new challenge on this first day of December. I am going to cut out meat, poultry and fish for a few weeks. I have done this before for a few days here and there and always felt better, but I do love meat so I always go back to eating it. But I really don’t feel well right now and think I might have a better holiday season if I go vegetarian. Maybe I will be able to attend more parties, church and community functions this way. I am thinking 6 weeks would be a nice challenge for me and give my body time to adjust. That way after 6 weeks, I should be able to evaluate if I am truly doing better not eating meat and then continue, or go back to my flesh-eating ways.
So when I go grocery shopping today, I need to load up on mushrooms, other veggies, more grains, and a few gluten-free meat substitutes. I am lucky that Bailey eats very little meat and LL prefers meatless meals, so I don’t even need to cook different meals. Well I do feel a little sorry for Kane. When he comes over, I always make steak, or some other yummy meat dish, I better warn him. I just need to get creative so I do not get bored before the 6 weeks are over. That is the real challenge.
Pacing myself. That’s what I am trying to do. I am usually an all or nothing girl. Not my best trait. Bringing balance to my days is a fairly new concept for me. Trying for the last year or so to live as full as possible while being stuck at home most the time.
Keeping current on events of the world, politics, religion, economy, and other important matters is important to me. But it is also important, while doing so, to keep peace and calm in my heart and body. Unnecessary stress is not good for my body. So I listen, watch and mostly read and then drop it. I have my opinions, but for the most part, I want no part in arguments over such matters. In fact, in order to not get my dander up, I have blocked a few people on Facebook. People who don’t go on Facebook to stay in touch with others. They go on Facebook to give grand statements about the state of things and love the attention and controversy. Well, they have every right to say what they want, but I have a right to not read it. That is my way of balance. Not wanting to put my head in the sand, but not go looking for upheaval.
Same can be said about being a mom of three adult kids. With the exception of some aspects of Max’s life, which requires me to be very involved, for the most part, I have been trying to find a right balance. I want to know how my kids are doing, where they are headed in life in general, are they making healthy choices in life while finding joy and looking to their future. Yes, I want to know those things, but I try, really I do, try not to get involved on the day-to-day workings of their life. I try, really I do, try to keep most my opinions to myself unless asked. (which isn’t often). I am sure my kids have a different opinion of my performance as a mother since they have become adults, but I think I have done a pretty good job with this balancing act.
Where I think I fall very short in my balancing of life, is how I spend my days. On bad days, I need to spend a lot of time immobile to get some relief from issues, but after a few hours, when things improve, I just don’t feel like getting up and moving on with my day. I feel stagnant. I feel like, well the day is almost done anyway, so why try to do anything. On days when I feel great, I go like gang busters. In my mind I am thinking, I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow or the next day, so I need to get a weeks worth of work done in a day. Then by the evening, I am exhausted, sore, and left with the feeling of unbalance.
Why, when dealing with such important issues like world affairs and my kids lives, I can find balance, but when going through my days in my simple, hermit like life, I can not find the right balance? Does anyone else have this problem? Does it bother anyone else like it bothers me? I don’t like feeling at the end of every day, either a lazy failure, or an exhausted goober. But it is not something that I can solve over night. That would be the all or nothing way of fixing things. So for today, I have a list a mile long of things to get done. Deep cleaning the rest of the entry ways into my house. (I have seven doorways leading to the outside, so scrubbing, mopping, cleaning light fixtures, knobs, molding, windows, etc. is not a job to be done in an hour. Cleaning my dining area, including going through cook books, other books, china hutch, etc. I would like to start on the laundry/office area, things need to be purged, filed, given away. I look all around this chaos of a room and almost everything I can be rid of. But because I am such an all or nothing girl, I have totally ignored this room for so long, it is an eyesore. That’s what happens with me. I don’t start a job unless I can do it right and complete. Which means things don’t get maintained, things get filthy, fall apart etc. Until I tackle it. Really hate this about me. So what can I do about it?
If my digestion holds, I hope to do one or two entry ways, sort and clean 1 set of bookshelves in dining area, and sort and clean two shelves in laundry/office room. That is it. Along with my daily chores, that’s enough. That’s just good enough!. So what’s the plan if I am down for hours today with my “issues”?…..One or two entry ways, sort and clean 1 bookshelf, and two laundry rooms shelves. Same plan. Maybe tonight I won’t feel lazy or exhausted. Would that be a nice balanced feeling:)
I feel I am headed back to a constant hermit life. Weeks of my problems with “issues” have been increasing and progressing. Even when carefully avoiding gluten, I find myself having a bathroom session for 1 to 3 hours after EVERY time I eat.
I had a good time at David’s meeting his girlfriend Sally’s family, but as soon as I ate, I ended up at Karen’s house and went home early.
Yesterday was a very busy day. Had a short session before me day started, so I thought I would be good the rest of the day. Bailey, Beau and I went to Mt. Angel and walked with Kris, Kara, and David’s basset hound Sami. A nice way to start our day. Got back home to get Max up (No Staff) and because we had a couple people from his program coming over, Max and I spent a couple hours cleaning his house. Met with them and then took Max to recycle and picked up a couple things at the store. So I got quite a bit done. My digestion was kept in check because I did not eat. So I was getting hungry about dinner time.
Unfortunately, before I was done eating dinner, I was off and running with yet again another very bad session of “issues”. And this lasted till I fell asleep.
So this morning I am looking at my day, and looking at the rest of the week. I want to go have coffee at Pam, my friend’s house. Becky, Pam and I have been trying to meet for coffee every week to reconnect. They both work for schools and will be going back to work in another couple weeks. So I don’t want to miss our meeting. For the afternoon, I am not sure if Kathy’s meeting is still on. I have left a couple messages to find out but have not heard back from anyone. So I will plan on going to the meeting in Salem at 2:00. This means no breakfast and lunch. Then the plan is just eating plain white rice for dinner. Because the next day I have a very important meeting for Max at 2:30 and can not chance missing it.
After I get through these next two days, there is nothing pressing scheduled and I will resume my hermit life. Which means making fewer plans outside of my home. Insisting if a meeting is necessary, to be scheduled first thing in the mornings. And go back to the 90% staying at home. The stress of not being able to eat, or the stress of having an accident in public is just too great. So even though I am a Resistant Hermit, I am also a Realistic Hermit.