So What Is The Matter With My Brain

Am I the only one?  I guess I could blame it on Chemo Brain.  (which doctors are finally acknowledging exists).  I could blame it on being a hermit.  Having less oncoming stimulation from outside sources.  I could blame it on society.  What is in the news.  Weather, shootings, fiscal cliff, etc..  I could blame it on health concerns of family.  But am I the only one who can not seem to focus on mundane activities for any length of time?

Ok, maybe it is just me. 😦

Lately, I am overwhelmed with the mundane.  Oh I know my brain doesn’t work as well as it use to before cancer, surgeries, radiation and especially chemotherapy.  I know damage was done.  Especially the chemo.  I am not really complaining because, Hey, it saved my life.  But I always remembered everything.  My talent and occupation when working with people with autism was very focused.  No detail too little.  O.K.  I have never been good at remembering names, but lately, almost everyone is new to me.  This has been going on for years now.  Nothing new since the treatments.

But lately, this holiday season, I have been not so much confused, but just plain overwhelmed.  My baking was less in amount, but things I have made for years did not turn out.  Not only did I not decorate the house as much this year, I could not find half the decorations. 😦  I can’t stomach watching cable news.  Any.  Not the right-wing Fox, the left-wing MSNBC, CNN.  If I have to see Boener or Obama blame each other one more time about who is not doing their job…..I am going to scream.  I can not take seeing one more time a mall or school shooting.   Hell even firefighters being gunned down.  I can not focus on that SHIT!  O.k.  My mom raised me better than to use that word, but that is what it is.

Facebook is covered with “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people” crap.  Not very comforting or appropriate at this time.  Also, “If you are a REAL american,…….”  “If you are a REAL Christian,……”  Fill in the blank.

Needless to say, I am not watching much news, not reading much Facebook posts, etc.  I was hoping I could then focus on real life.  Get back to being functional.  But the truth is, it all seeps in any way.  Hurricanes still happen, shootings still happen, people still insist on making conservatives and liberals characatures and the bad guys.  Brothers-in-law are still sick, and I still can not focus on mundane SHIT!  (I know Mom, I said it twice).

But with all of that said, I had a lovely Christmas.  I love my family.  I love this country.  I love my faith.  And I love this world.  Just wish I could remember what I did 5 minutes ago.  LOL


Posted on December 26, 2012, in Musings. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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