Oh What A Relief It Is

I have talked in the past about the anxiety I have between the time I have test done and the oncology appointment to find out results.  In the past, anxiety is the best word to describe my feelings, but this time around, I have been grumpy, depressed, and overwhelmed with worry.  Mostly because I have not felt well the past few weeks.  Fatigue, pains here and there, digestive “issues” worse than ever, I felt like a shoe was about to drop.  Normally, I would have expressed my fears to LL or my sis Kris and felt better after doing so.  But both of them have so much going on, I didn’t want to spread my fears just to make myself feel better.

Well I just got back from the doctor and all looked good. 🙂  So we talked about how I was feeling and much is probably explained by menopause.  If left to nature, I probably would not have gone into menopause for a few more years, but the radiation put me into it within a week.  This was two years ago and I am still dealing with hot flashes, weight gain and all the other various issues.  Because of the cancer, I am not a good canidate for hormones, so I might have to just power through it.  But I will see a doctor just to see if there is some option out there for me.  As for the pains, well he suspects I am still forming a lot of scar tissue inside of me.  Not much can be done about that.

We also talked about the possibility of putting an ostomy back in.  He would like me to wait.   Wait in case the cancer does come back because I have very little intestines left and a recourance of the cancer might make it necessary to remove what little extra I do have left.  So I will continue to wear depends and be a hermit.  I need to remind myself to be thankful.  Thankful the cancer has not returned so far, and that even though my life is limited, I do have a life.  So today, I feel the bitchiness I have been feeling, leaving me and a since of relief taking over.  Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

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Posted on November 22, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. you are so brave and always look on the bright side. I think you should allow yourself to wallow in to poor me for a little while and then go back to being positive.
    You are an inspiration. take care

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