Pacing myself. That’s what I am trying to do. I am usually an all or nothing girl. Not my best trait. Bringing balance to my days is a fairly new concept for me. Trying for the last year or so to live as full as possible while being stuck at home most the time.
Keeping current on events of the world, politics, religion, economy, and other important matters is important to me. But it is also important, while doing so, to keep peace and calm in my heart and body. Unnecessary stress is not good for my body. So I listen, watch and mostly read and then drop it. I have my opinions, but for the most part, I want no part in arguments over such matters. In fact, in order to not get my dander up, I have blocked a few people on Facebook. People who don’t go on Facebook to stay in touch with others. They go on Facebook to give grand statements about the state of things and love the attention and controversy. Well, they have every right to say what they want, but I have a right to not read it. That is my way of balance. Not wanting to put my head in the sand, but not go looking for upheaval.
Same can be said about being a mom of three adult kids. With the exception of some aspects of Max’s life, which requires me to be very involved, for the most part, I have been trying to find a right balance. I want to know how my kids are doing, where they are headed in life in general, are they making healthy choices in life while finding joy and looking to their future. Yes, I want to know those things, but I try, really I do, try not to get involved on the day-to-day workings of their life. I try, really I do, try to keep most my opinions to myself unless asked. (which isn’t often). I am sure my kids have a different opinion of my performance as a mother since they have become adults, but I think I have done a pretty good job with this balancing act.
Where I think I fall very short in my balancing of life, is how I spend my days. On bad days, I need to spend a lot of time immobile to get some relief from issues, but after a few hours, when things improve, I just don’t feel like getting up and moving on with my day. I feel stagnant. I feel like, well the day is almost done anyway, so why try to do anything. On days when I feel great, I go like gang busters. In my mind I am thinking, I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow or the next day, so I need to get a weeks worth of work done in a day. Then by the evening, I am exhausted, sore, and left with the feeling of unbalance.
Why, when dealing with such important issues like world affairs and my kids lives, I can find balance, but when going through my days in my simple, hermit like life, I can not find the right balance? Does anyone else have this problem? Does it bother anyone else like it bothers me? I don’t like feeling at the end of every day, either a lazy failure, or an exhausted goober. But it is not something that I can solve over night. That would be the all or nothing way of fixing things. So for today, I have a list a mile long of things to get done. Deep cleaning the rest of the entry ways into my house. (I have seven doorways leading to the outside, so scrubbing, mopping, cleaning light fixtures, knobs, molding, windows, etc. is not a job to be done in an hour. Cleaning my dining area, including going through cook books, other books, china hutch, etc. I would like to start on the laundry/office area, things need to be purged, filed, given away. I look all around this chaos of a room and almost everything I can be rid of. But because I am such an all or nothing girl, I have totally ignored this room for so long, it is an eyesore. That’s what happens with me. I don’t start a job unless I can do it right and complete. Which means things don’t get maintained, things get filthy, fall apart etc. Until I tackle it. Really hate this about me. So what can I do about it?
If my digestion holds, I hope to do one or two entry ways, sort and clean 1 set of bookshelves in dining area, and sort and clean two shelves in laundry/office room. That is it. Along with my daily chores, that’s enough. That’s just good enough!. So what’s the plan if I am down for hours today with my “issues”?…..One or two entry ways, sort and clean 1 bookshelf, and two laundry rooms shelves. Same plan. Maybe tonight I won’t feel lazy or exhausted. Would that be a nice balanced feeling:)